Disclaimer: Yes, there are different types of introverts. I am writing about the type I resemble.
This is Tae, I haven’t written in a while. Adryan pointed out to me that we shouldn’t neglect our blog so much, and as fate would have it, I found something to write about today.
As you know, we work in retail. Retail is awful. For those of you who have had the luck to never enter that field, I envy you. For those who are stuck in the pit of retail with no choice but to live with that torment, I am here with you, suffering also.
At my own place of employment, I work mainly at a register. Now I’m not saying that being at a register all day means my job is the hardest. I just stand there all day, sometimes move around and fix returns to go back out on the floor, or straighten up the aisles where the lines form. I do, however, deal most often with the grumpy, snotty, bitchy, and rather rude groups of customers. Sadly, this is not just once in a while, like some of the people who are out on the floor deal with. When you’re on the floor, you can fake interest in something, thus avoiding confrontation with a fore mentioned customers.
However, when you work at a register, you are forced to put on a fake ass smile, politely and sweetly ask if they found everything okay, and keep that smile plastered on your face no matter what they say.
“I found this bottle of lotion for $3, but found this exact same lotion for $2. I want this $3 lotion for the $2 price, because you know, times are tough.”
Yes, times are tough. I know that. But… a dollar? Seriously? Yeah, sure, a dollar could buy you a burger at McDonald’s or something….. But why not just take the $2 lotion? They’re the exact same. Anyway, I digress. Don’t be an ass.
Another problem I have (as an introvert) is expressing adequately how I feel. Someone might make me extremely angry or incredibly sad. What do I do? Smile and say, “it’s okay,” while internally screaming. I get it that most people do this, but I’ve seen people who will claim it’s okay, yet through their actions show that is false. Moooost of the time, you cannot tell I am upset. You can’t tell I’m sad because I would rather swim naked through a pile of needles than show I am vulnerable to anyone who can hurt me.
The same applies at work. I’ve had mixed feelings about a coordinator who works at the registers with me. I consider myself to have decent instincts when judging someone by their actions and/or demeanor. This coordinator rubs me the wrong way. The way a porcupine would rub against a blister on your foot. She acts like I do, smiling at all the right times and laughing at all the jokes customers and fellow workers pull out. However, when out of the work environment, she acts the same exact way, with a slight twist. She becomes eeeeeevil. (Said the way those guys in Spongebob Squarepants say it… you know what I’m talking about.)
Her princess/ms. perfect act transforms into Kujo. She is the type of person I would not trust as a friend, because she would back stab me every chance she got. I can’t describe fully how she unnerves me. Anywho, back on topic: even though she makes me want to bang my head onto a corner so I can have some blissful peace and quiet in the black of a concussion, I smile and laugh in the same way she does. “Haha, our lives are perfect! We love everything!”
While we (me) are speaking about emotions, that’s another problem I have, but the complete opposite. Showing too much emotion. I spend the majority of my free time on the internet, and as such, I am able to color coordinate my thoughts into categories I can freely select from. This person on the internet called me a faggot? Reply with a picture of a faggot of twigs. (For those of you who don’t know, faggot = bundle or something, I’m no scientist)
If I have an argument with an internet friend or real life friend on a game (I play World of Warcraft a lot, and my best friend also plays. She and I get into arguments a lot over silly things.), I can take a few minutes sorting through my head and figuring out what is the best thing to say. I can use proper grammar, I can pull up instances from the past, I can use my superior intellect (mentioned friend is kind of dull) to win the argument and become victorious!
In person, however……. I cannot argue. Not for the life of me. I either clam up and do not reply, thus giving in and giving up, or burst into mindless blabber that usually involves tears. As I said before, I hate crying in front of other people, so most of my in-person arguments end up like the first example. Confrontation is my problem. On the internet, in words on the screen, I can say what I want in a strong and confident voice. However, if you were to hear me speak these words, my voice would quiver and become weak and frail, like a crisp autumn leaf about to be stepped on. No support, no strength, no chance.
That is why I hole up my emotions and say, “it’s okay,” because I know that the results would be confrontation, and honestly, when it comes to confrontation, I feel like this guy…
For those of you who don’t know the Anime “Soul Eater”, this is Crona. I’ll skip the back story, but his tag line is “I don’t know how to deal with that.” He says that to almost everything he comes across, which ties in with my previous point of confrontation, and melts with my last point: change.
Lives change, people change, places change, and times change. Everything is constantly changing. So why am I so afraid of changes that affect my life? Two words: comfort zone. It doesn’t bother me that my head loses more hair than the economy loses dolla bills. It doesn’t bother me that the empty bags and trash on my floor will accumulate spiders in the coming months of summer. These are all problems that future me will deal with, because I don’t want to handle the mess to clean up.
I don’t want to move, I don’t want to try new things or pay new bills or eat new food. I don’t even want to watch new shows because I feel it’s a waste of time to test something I’m not even sure I’ll like. I live in a bubble that is my comfort zone, and that is a very constricted space to live in. I am suffocating myself inside my own mind. Things will change, I might even do something extreme to set off the entire balance of my life, and when it happens, I’m going to be like Crona.
Now that this enormously huge blog is over with, I hope those who have read it through enjoyed. I have to go now because I’m tired of smelling the donuts that Adryan bought earlier and I want to move.
Taepoo out, dawg.