Saying no has always been a problem for me. I feel terrible whenever I tell someone that I can’t do something because they want to know why.
Because I need some freaking me time before my head explodes.
Well you should come have “me time” with us. At the bar. During karaoke night. And you should sing. Alone. Ok, fine, with the group. Then we can head back to so and so’s house and hang out.
How about I go home and play my video games for a while (not socially) and read about your escapades on facebook in the morning? That sounds like a much better plan.
Have I mentioned that I also have social anxiety? Yeesh.
Or: Text comes in:
Friend: Hey! You wanna go for coffee or something so I can unload my problems on you?
I literally just crawled into bed after a day of work and gym and forcing myself to socialize with the entire world
Me: I think I’m gonna pass tonight. Already in bed and settled in for the night.
Friend: Ok, well we should plan something for one of these nights.
Me: Sure thing! *has no intention of doing such a thing/hoping they forget or cancel*
It has taken me a long time but I am finally to the point where I can say no and mean no. No means no! It’s not a timid no. It is a definite no with no room for wiggle. I have gotten to the point where I tell people outright that I am not the type to go out and paint the town a blurry shade of drunken red. Not even if I have the next day off.
People might read this and think that I am a boring person. That’s ok. I’m pretty sure my friends wonder how I don’t go insane from being alone all the time or just reading/writing/gaming etc. We all recharge differently, we all do that thing that we love to do even if our friends or family don’t understand.
My step dad once got upset with me because I read too much. All the other kids (six of them besides me) were outside playing or watching tv or playing with dolls/cars. He thought something was wrong with me because all I did was sit alone and read after school, at the little desk in the laundry room/entry way.
Now I’ve got a super duper vocabulary and a sweet as chocolate frogs book collection. I can hold a conversation or give a presentation without inserting the word “like” or “um” into every sentence. I understand the value of words and phrases and can appreciate the beauty of a well formed sentence.
I can be alone and not feel bored, in a group and hold a conversation (a small group), there can be silence between me and another person and it isn’t awkward.
But in order to do all of these things I can’t be stressed out. Which means being alone.
No means no, I love you, goodnight.