These Things Called Parties

As an introvert, one thing I find the most repellant about society is the concept of parties.

It’s like slapping someone across the face and saying “if you want to be accepted into this little clique of ours, you will come to this party and be social!” to someone who knows more about The Lord of The Rings series than being “social”.

If you don’t go to the party and/or aren’t invited (happens to me at work a lot. I’m only bothered I don’t get the opportunity to decline.), you’re suddenly a strange duckling that will not get inside jokes, regular jokes in general, or current events that are the gossip of our generation. In my case, it seems there was an aura of “loser” that was created around me – partially acquired by my lame jokes and pathetic attempts at puns.

Did a skunk spray me? Did I forget to put on deodorant? No, and no; I simply made it known that I do not feel comfortable at parties. That’s not a bad thing, either. More friends means more problems, more people you have to be loyal to, more people you have to please, more, more, more, more…

I am perfectly happy being in my comfy space bubble with my way-too-casual TeeFury shirts and sweats, ice cream in one hand and a large spoon in the other, and a laptop on my (you guessed it) lap.

However, there is a saying I heard that applies: “Just because I like being alone doesn’t mean I like being lonely.”

It is with a reluctant heart I admit that is true. No one likes to be lonely, we all have people we love to be around, even if it’s just one. Or a cat. Maybe. Not talking about myself at all.

We like quiet. We like peace. We also like wrapping ourselves in blankets and crawling around like a caterpillar. Sometimes we like to be with people who make us laugh, but at the end of the day, we need to make sure our mental battery is in good condition. Anything below 30% starts to get risky. About 48% for me.

Disclaimer: we are all different, ignore me if I generalize introverts to the extreme

 

Another thing we’re good at is thinking extravagantly more than talking. Not saying this is only seen in introverts, but just something I feel is necessary to point out (I mean the main conversation IS about being social). In my case, I will be too shy to tell someone if I am uncomfortable, but my body language will scream just that. I’ll make awkward conversation like “so… this weather,” and laugh at all the wrong times because I honestly have no idea to react to someone telling me new information.

Person: “Did you hear that SoAndSo Brand is going out of business?”

Me: “Good, I didn’t like them anyway.” (guessing I have a 50/50 chance to say the right response)

Person: “Well……. I liked their stuff…….”

Me: “Oh.. Well I mean there was this one thing that I liked, it had this thing that I can’t really remember with this thing I also don’t remember. It was a long time ago.” (Trying to sew the edges I have torn)

Person: “Yeah………..” (Awkward silence ensues until they miraculously find someone they know and leave me to stand in awkward peace)

In fact, just a few days ago, I discovered a coworker to be gay/bisexual.

Girl: “Yeah, so I’m going on a trip to see an old friend.”

Me: “Oh fun, have you known each other long? And where are you going?”

Girl: “She lives in Spokane; we used to date.”

Me: “Huh…. I love Spokane.”

 

Now I know that doesn’t suit it justice, but I was SO proud of myself for not appearing surprised my coworker delves into the area of vajayjay. She didn’t seem too put off, so my tactic must have worked. Either that or she thought I was so funny (unlikely) that she let it go.

Anyway, I’m tired, so I’m going to wrap it up. If you don’t want to go to parties, don’t go. Don’t feel pressured to go, because your internet friends will be here to entertain you more than those strangers ever could. Also, parties = drinks = bad decisions. Not always, but often enough.

This is Tae, good day and good night.

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Things to Expect When You’re Introverted

Disclaimer: Yes, there are different types of introverts. I am writing about the type I resemble.

This is Tae, I haven’t written in a while. Adryan pointed out to me that we shouldn’t neglect our blog so much, and as fate would have it, I found something to write about today.

As you know, we work in retail. Retail is awful. For those of you who have had the luck to never enter that field, I envy you. For those who are stuck in the pit of retail with no choice but to live with that torment, I am here with you, suffering also.

At my own place of employment, I work mainly at a register. Now I’m not saying that being at a register all day means my job is the hardest. I just stand there all day, sometimes move around and fix returns to go back out on the floor, or straighten up the aisles where the lines form. I do, however, deal most often with the grumpy, snotty, bitchy, and rather rude groups of customers. Sadly, this is not just once in a while, like some of the people who are out on the floor deal with. When you’re on the floor, you can fake interest in something, thus avoiding confrontation with a fore mentioned customers.

However, when you work at a register, you are forced to put on a fake ass smile, politely and sweetly ask if they found everything okay, and keep that smile plastered on your face no matter what they say.

“I found this bottle of lotion for $3, but found this exact same lotion for $2. I want this $3 lotion for the $2 price, because you know, times are tough.”

Yes, times are tough. I know that. But… a dollar? Seriously? Yeah, sure, a dollar could buy you a burger at McDonald’s or something….. But why not just take the $2 lotion? They’re the exact same. Anyway, I digress. Don’t be an ass.

Another problem I have (as an introvert) is expressing adequately how I feel. Someone might make me extremely angry or incredibly sad. What do I do? Smile and say, “it’s okay,” while internally screaming. I get it that most people do this, but I’ve seen people who will claim it’s okay, yet through their actions show that is false. Moooost of the time, you cannot tell I am upset. You can’t tell I’m sad because I would rather swim naked through a pile of needles than show I am vulnerable to anyone who can hurt me.

The same applies at work. I’ve had mixed feelings about a coordinator who works at the registers with me. I consider myself to have decent instincts when judging someone by their actions and/or demeanor. This coordinator rubs me the wrong way. The way a porcupine would rub against a blister on your foot. She acts like I do, smiling at all the right times and laughing at all the jokes customers and fellow workers pull out. However, when out of the work environment, she acts the same exact way, with a slight twist. She becomes eeeeeevil. (Said the way those guys in Spongebob Squarepants say it… you know what I’m talking about.)

Her princess/ms. perfect act transforms into Kujo. She is the type of person I would not trust as a friend, because she would back stab me every chance she got. I can’t describe fully how she unnerves me. Anywho, back on topic: even though she makes me want to bang my head onto a corner so I can have some blissful peace and quiet in the black of a concussion, I smile and laugh in the same way she does. “Haha, our lives are perfect! We love everything!”

Continuing on…

While we (me) are speaking about emotions, that’s another problem I have, but the complete opposite. Showing too much emotion. I spend the majority of my free time on the internet, and as such, I am able to color coordinate my thoughts into categories I can freely select from. This person on the internet called me a faggot? Reply with a picture of a faggot of twigs. (For those of you who don’t know, faggot = bundle or something, I’m no scientist)

If I have an argument with an internet friend or real life friend on a game (I play World of Warcraft a lot, and my best friend also plays. She and I get into arguments a lot over silly things.), I can take a few minutes sorting through my head and figuring out what is the best thing to say. I can use proper grammar, I can pull up instances from the past, I can use my superior intellect (mentioned friend is kind of dull) to win the argument and become victorious!

In person, however……. I cannot argue. Not for the life of me. I either clam up and do not reply, thus giving in and giving up, or burst into mindless blabber that usually involves tears. As I said before, I hate crying in front of other people, so most of my in-person arguments end up like the first example. Confrontation is my problem. On the internet, in words on the screen, I can say what I want in a strong and confident voice. However, if you were to hear me speak these words, my voice would quiver and become weak and frail, like a crisp autumn leaf about to be stepped on. No support, no strength, no chance.

That is why I hole up my emotions and say, “it’s okay,” because I know that the results would be confrontation, and honestly, when it comes to confrontation, I feel like this guy…

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For those of you who don’t know the Anime “Soul Eater”, this is Crona. I’ll skip the back story, but his tag line is “I don’t know how to deal with that.” He says that to almost everything he comes across, which ties in with my previous point of confrontation, and melts with my last point: change.

Lives change, people change, places change, and times change. Everything is constantly changing. So why am I so afraid of changes that affect my life? Two words: comfort zone. It doesn’t bother me that my head loses more hair than the economy loses dolla bills. It doesn’t bother me that the empty bags and trash on my floor will accumulate spiders in the coming months of summer. These are all problems that future me will deal with, because I don’t want to handle the mess to clean up.

I don’t want to move, I don’t want to try new things or pay new bills or eat new food. I don’t even want to watch new shows because I feel it’s a waste of time to test something I’m not even sure I’ll like. I live in a bubble that is my comfort zone, and that is a very constricted space to live in. I am suffocating myself inside my own mind. Things will change, I might even do something extreme to set off the entire balance of my life, and when it happens, I’m going to be like Crona.

Now that this enormously huge blog is over with, I hope those who have read it through enjoyed. I have to go now because I’m tired of smelling the donuts that Adryan bought earlier and I want to move.

Taepoo out, dawg.

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Do Not Spout Info and Expect Me to Remember

Adryan again! I’m making up for lost time is seems.

My second retail job has me working as a cashier quite a lot. I don’t mind it. Most of the time it is great and I like interacting with people and doing what I can to help them.

There are a few things, however, that make me want to shove a crayon up a persons nose. Maybe this will help someone who is on the paying end of a transaction. Like, “hey, maybe I shouldn’t be a test to this persons patience and do these things”. I’m not going to get into the stupid jokes people make. There are plenty of blogs and posts about that already and I can deal with a stupid joke because I react the same to them every time. It allows me to more efficiently run on autopilot.

1) When I ask for your store card (rental store) and you don’t have it, don’t get annoyed when I can’t find your name in the systems right away. Sometimes, things don’t always work like they should, which is why we hand out those cards in the first place, the system likes the cards. Get one and use it for the purpose they were intended and your checkout process will be over before you can hop up and down three times while patting your screaming child’s head.

2) When you don’t have your rental card and I have to look it up, don’t tell me your phone number or spell out your name and expect me to remember it when I’m not ready. Scenario 1 – “Oh, I don’t have my card, 123-456-7890.” I won’t remember and you will be annoyed when I have to ask again. Scenario 2 – “Oh, I don’t have my card, Peter Smelingtonstaugherlechtonstein. S-m-e-l….” If I’m not on the right screen, you are wasting your breath because I’m going to ask you to spell it again.

3) You can slide that payment card as fast as you want. Fact of the matter is, the transaction won’t be complete until I actually scan all of your items. In fact, you should let me at least scan one of them before the card is swiped, otherwise it won’t work at all.

4) Similar to #3, I don’t want your cash/gift card until I have finished ringing up your items. My hands are busy taking care of your items, I can’t  juggle money, type in the computer and handle your items all at once while trying to laugh at all your jokes and look interested at the same time. My brain will explode. And holding the cash out in front of me while I scan your items is rude. Just give me a darn tootin minute.

5) You stand in line for three minutes and it takes you another four minutes to fish through your purse/wallet for the proper payment type or for your rental card. You could have had all your stuff ready when you got to the checkout if it took that long to find. It helps me to help you when we are both ready and rarin to go.

Moral of the story. Be patient, good people, and assume that the employees ringing you up are human beings who deserve at least a little respect. We are doing our best to help you, bad attitudes and impatience are not necessary. You could be ruining someones day. And that, my friends, is not cool.

So long, farewell, au Wiedersehen, goodnight.

-Adryan

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New Year’s Resolutions, motivations and gym awkwardness.

Hello! Adryan here. It’s been a while. I started my third job, officially, about two weeks after getting things going here and have been super busy. Introverts were not intended to have zero downtime. I can tell you that right now. The first three weeks on the new job and I had no days off, at all, between my three jobs. It was a very depressing time for me when I didn’t have time to sit and read for more than half an hour at a time. I got very sick during that time also, and I blame the go go go that I went went went through. The holidays have settled down now, though, and I have time, once again, to rejuvenate as all introverts do. With alone time. Thank God for alone time. Just me, my brain, and whatever solo activity I choose. Bliss.

 

So today I went to the gym after work. I have been trying to go for some time but my motivation has been lacking. Like, a lot. I didn’t join the gym out of some attempt to succeed at a new years resolution entitled “lose weight today!” but rather have decided that I will have a more attainable resolution. I’m going to learn to knit. Maybe not today. Probably not tomorrow. But sometime this year I will make such an awesome knitted hat that the people who know me will say, “Wow. That’s cool.” and then I will have felt achieved. Unlike the last few years where my new years resolution has been ridiculous, along the lines of losing 30 pounds or something. The problem with losing weight as a new years resolution is that you need to be a very motivated person for this to work. Or else you need to become one. The award for “Most Motivated Person of the Year” will never be mine. Never. Ever. Ever. I am anti-motivation personified.

 

In order to counteract my anti-motivation I find small things, throughout my gym experience to motivate me as I go. Today, the thing that got me into the gym, for the first time is six months or so, was my competitive nature. I like to win. I hate to lose. Go suck an elf (not you necessarily…it’s a movie quote. Kudos to you if you get it!). So, boyfriend says to me that we should have a competition to see who can go to the gym the most during any given month (we can’t always go together so this will keep us going even if it’s alone). Loser buys the winner Desperado hot wings (best hot wings I have ever had in my life, hands down). Now, walking in the door and walking out is cheating hardcore. We are on the honor system here and my must-win nature does not allow for cheating. I must win fair and square, all the way, or else it’s not really winning. It’s just -ning, and a ning isn’t a thing.

 

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For some reason it’s upside-down. It refuses to be fixed. So here are some upside-down socks

To reiterate a bit, competition got me in the door. The song playing over my head as I changed for the gym got me deciding that this whole gym thing wouldn’t be so bad (there are exercise classes going on in the room above the changing rooms and you can hear the music and people thumping along with whatever workout they are doing). My clean, Pikachu socks got me to put my shoes back on even though I just wanted to leave them off and get back in my car, cause I don’t want to get my Pikachu socks all icky by walking through the parking lot without shoes. Ahem. I almost gave up on the elliptical (burnt 50 calories by then – quite a lot for me, don’t judge) but then my “Dig Down Deeper” song came on (yes, that is a song to the Tinkerbell soundtrack) and I felt the need, the need to push myself a little farther despite my legs wanting to fall off and leave me to topple to my elliptical death. Then I finished my workout, 100 calories burnt, (a-whoohoo) and went home to eat a cupcake. Yup, basically burnt off the cupcake I ate. That is all. But you know what, I would have felt really guilty about the cupcake had I not gone and worked out so….nom nom, n such.

 

For the awkwardness. It’s probably not really an introvert trait at all, but I always feel like people are watching me and judging what I do. Especially when I am uncomfortable in that setting. Haven’t been to the gym in a while and there are a lot of pretty people there so I feel out of place (being, myself, less “pretty” by societies standards than most). Is someone wondering what that girl in the blue, men’s tank top with the less than toned arms (ok, flabby would suffice) is even doing at the gym? Are they noticing that I am holding my weights wrong? Or judging me because I only burned 100 calories on my slow elliptical run? These are the things that make me uncomfortable in a crowd. Who is judging me and why? Am I thinking too highly of myself, that people would notice me? Paranoid is probably more like it. Ha! That’s ok though. Cause I still went and did what I had set out to do today. 

 

It’s the small victories that keep me going. Keep me motivated.

Have a beautimous day.

-Adryan

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Things To Do & Not Do As A Customer

I see a lot more people than I’d like to, working in retail, a lot of whom perform staggering indiscretions.

Not staggering in the sense of “oh my dayum, I can’t believe they did that! I’m calling the cops. *dials furiously*” while you stand there with your legs poised to chase them down, and one arm across your chest. I mean the kind that make you scoff and make you glad you don’t have to live with them/put up with their shit.

For example: Littering, messing something up and not having the courtesy to at least make it look like it did before, rudely ignoring any employee’s attempt at friendly behavior, etc.

I will scold all of you who do this with a bullet point list.

  • BalroggingHours before the store opens, employees wake up at the ass crack of dawn to drudge through the hours to set up a nice display for you. This also accounts for the shelves, which my store in particular (can’t really speak for other places) puts in great effort to organize it all so you have the best ability to see all of the products.
    Now, if you have the gall to walk down the beautifully sparkling aisle and stick your meaty hand into the fray of beautifully sparkling items, and proceed to pull out at least four other items with you, you should have the gall to bend your thick ass over and pick them up. Oh, but I’m sorry, you don’t want to exert your precious muscles with the effort of bending over. You can just leave it there for someone else to pick up and do your work for you.
    I’m not saying that it isn’t the employee’s job to pick things up and put them in their rightful place, but if you do the a fore mentioned scenario more than two times while you are in the store, chances are that you need to learn how to daintily pick out things instead of Balrogging the entire shelf. (Yes, that is a Lord of The Rings reference)
    ImagePhoto for greater effect. (Source not known, I’m guessing it’s the name in the corner)
  • LitteringThat’s right. I’m talking to you, sneaky lady. I see you throwing your trash into the aisles. This isn’t as big a deal as the others, I just felt it should be pointed out.
  • Rude BehaviorSeriously, didn’t your mama treat you any better?! Well, don’t worry, I’m going to teach you.
    DON’T BE RUDE. You people are so wrapped up in your own worlds that you neglect the worlds of others as well as how they feel. I’m not saying you have to be overly friendly – not at all. A simple smile, however, or even a thank you, or a “how is your day going?” is immensely awesome in my eyes. I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone.
    Also, if an employee asks you for something (i.e. to sign up for something and/or purchase something like a gift card), know that they are not doing it because they want to steal your money or take your freedom – they are doing it because they have to.
    For example, a cashier asks you while he/she is checking your items if you are interested in signing up for the store’s benefits card. If you answer with a harsh “no” before they even finish asking, they are immediately more inclined to not give a shit about your items or you. Hear them out, then you can decline.

Thus ends the rant of me, Taepoo, on this chilly evening. Please be nice to people who work in retail. Chances are, they’ll treat you the same. We are paid to give you a smile, but it makes the smile much less fake if you show us one before we have the chance to ask you how you’re doing. It does not hinder you at all to extend the flimsy arm of friendship to those who suffer for your satisfaction.

Disclaimer: There are asshole employees, I am obviously fighting for the ones who are like myself.

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A Metal Show – Totally Uncomfortable And Totally Awesome At The Same Time.

Adryan here! The older but seldom wiser of the two introverts.

I have a friend. He is actually my boyfriends roommate, but after two years of dating bf and many conversations between bf’s roommate and I, I would consider us to be friends, though not the kind who only hang out with one another. We are “group friends”. Whereas our friendship would not exist, nor survive, without the group.

Friend Bill was in a band. A metal band. His band was playing on the first date of my bf and I. He has recently joined up with another small band and he has found that his musical stylings line up more with his new band than his old one. No one was really surprised though. Bill never really listened to metal.

In support a couple of people from the group made it to the show. Bill’s last show with Walking Corpse Syndrome (WCS). Now, I am not a fan of metal. Like, at all. It is very loud (loud noises make me slightly uncomfortable), and the people all have big personalities (or so it seems) and I can never understand the lyrics. Maybe metal isn’t about the lyrics. I don’t know, I don’t usually listen. Anyways, I find that I like WCS. They have two drummers (which I hear is unusual) and, until recently, a violinist who doubled as a bass player. It gave them a really cool sound that I always looked forward to when I heard them.

We got there in time to catch the last three bands, including WCS who played last. The first two bands seemed more hard rock than metal, I hope I didn’t just offend someone, cause like I said, I don’t know the music, but at the same time I could understand the lyrics and while the music was loud it wasn’t loud loud.

The end of the story is that the show was awesome and my ears rang for two days, with cotton ball hearing for an entire day after. The inbetween is that I was hugging a wall and uncomfortable the whole time. There were three of us standing together and the girl who was with bf and I tried tugging me out into the mini mosh a little more. She is short and the tallest guy in the whole building chose to stand directly in front of her. I felt bad for telling her that I didn’t want to step into the throng with her, but at the same time, I have recently become very good at saying no. The older I have gotten the more I have realized that if I don’t say no once in a while then I will become a permanent doormat, which I used to be.

I used to be someone who said yes, all the time, no matter how uncomfortable it made me, because I didn’t want to let someone down. I have a terrible conscious. All I could think was how the other person felt and how my saying no would affect them. I don’t like conflict and I don’t like letting people down. I like to see people smiling and laughing. So I never said no.

Now I realize that it’s ok to say no when it is appropriate. No, I don’t feel comfortable wading into a mosh pit at a metal show, where people are jumping and dancing and headbanging with their hands and fists in the air. No. I feel as good as I am going to get right here, standing against this wall where I can see at least one of the band members at any given time. She was ok with that. Life moved on and so did the ginormous, smelly dude who chose to stand in front of her. Bf understands my weirdness with crowds and doesn’t push me.

And this look on my face is not me, hating the show. It is my look of “This is totally awesome but I don’t feel comfortable moving or making facial expressions”. Don’t take it personally.

Introverts of the world, say no when you want to. That is my advice.

Aaaaaand I’m done.

-Adryan

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A Practiced vs. Unpracticed Introvert

Adryan set the introduction rule to specifying who’s writing, so this is Tae.

It came to my attention at a movie event recently this evening that there are indeed different levels of introversion. Is that the right word? I think it is. The realization of this fact was already known somewhere in the dusty sections of my brain that I don’t tend to very often, simply because the ignorant side of me wanted to believe every introvert was similar and thus should always be companions.

The situation had two parts.

Part One: Concessions. (That is a viable title)

Adryan and I walked up to the counter, where there was already a woman and her daughter. We stood in the line for approximately five minutes, when the other employee’s register was free. The older couple in line behind us proceeded to go to the other register, as Adryan and I hadn’t noticed she was available.

I didn’t really think anything of it, because the woman and her child looked like they were about to be finished. Adryan on the other hand complained loud enough to be heard, “well they just cut in front of us..” Not to point out that it was rude of her to say so, it was rude of the couple to cut us in the first place. However, the type of introvert that I am would never dream of saying something so blunt as an obvious insult to the people who had been formerly behind us. This is where the title of this post comes into play: she has had much more practice fitting in to the world. It’s expected, however, since she is ten years older than I am.

The thought of saying something that could be heard by the perpetrators makes my inner being cringe, simply because I detest all forms of conflict. Nothing happened after Adryan said what she did, which could be an exception. However, the way my brain works, I would never want to say something even if nothing would happen; partly because of inevitable conversation with strangers puts me on edge and partly because I would be afraid of ridicule. That is the end of scenario one.

Part Two: Three Little Piggies (Metaphor)

During our last movie experience (featuring the lovely Chris Hemsworth – yum.), we were seated by a group of (what I assumed) college students who were very loud and obnoxious. It was obvious they had snuck some sort of alcoholic beverage into the theater, and the inebriation of the group also took part in disrupting the cinematic view of Chris Hemsworth’s lovely torso.

Don’t worry, I’m going somewhere with this.

I was annoyed at the group of drinkers. I wanted to say something. However, it was Adryan’s boyfriend who spoke up to grumble about it. I hadn’t even the strength to grumble.

So, to our great luck, Adryan and I faced the same problem in the movie we saw today. Three teenage girls were seated behind us and were talking (loudly) and laughing, very obnoxiously. One of the girls had a high-pitched witch laugh that would make me shit myself if I heard it in a dark building. During the commercials, Adryan whispers to me, “I dare you to laugh just like her.” Much to her surprise, I did. Loudly. And I was rewarded with her frightened, but choked, laughter.

While it might not prove introversion of any sort, I was afraid to do the laugh during any quiet commercials. I didn’t know how I would react if I recreated the fearsome cackle and the girl I was mimicking had gone “you wanna fight?” or some cliche term. So I chose a loud commercial moment to best hide my fear but also complete the dare handed to me. I love to make people laugh, but I detest being rude.

Now, don’t get me wrong, when I’m alone in my car in traffic I’ll spew profanities left, right, up, down, diagonal, and backwards. I will not, however, tell someone (strangers are obvious, the rules don’t really matter with close friends) something I am displeased about. There’s a quote I like to think of whenever I’m in a raging mood: “There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.” (Patrick Rothfuss, who I greatly recommend checking out)

I like to live by this quote for two reasons. One, it makes you seem pretty cool if it takes a lot for someone to make you angry, especially if other people know it’s bad to see you angry. Two, it greatly applies to my “society persona”, who is a timid, hardworking (for the most part) girl who wouldn’t hurt a fly. The facade is both useful and crafty. No one outside of my circle of friends will see the storm, not if my metaphorical sun blinds them. The sun being my outward bubbly personality.

I’m out of things to say now, so Taepoo is going to bed.

Fair winds!

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